Crimson Feathers
by H2O
Summary: "I… I need this..", there was a pause as the owner of the voice struggled to find the right words, " … it’s just…. I can’t keep it up… I have to find myself… I need to know who I am, not what people want me to be"


**_Crimson Feathers_**

_By H2O _

**D/C:** Standard disclaimers apply. The japonese terms used in this story are taken from web pages or fics I've previously read. All Rights Reserved. The anime series _Inuyasha_ and all the related contents belong to its creator. No profit is being made by this story. Any original character that might appear belongs to me. ^. ^  [April, 2003] 

**Authoress' notes**:  **I have not followed the entire series but I know the basics and what I don't know I have learnt from other fics or webs, anything can be wrong but in a fic everything is like the author thinks, right? **

**I will try to maintain the personality of the characters but keep in mind that as the story-lines advances, they will adjust according to the situations, or as I see fit.  Feel free to e-mail me if you wish to make an observation or idea you might want appear in the story. **

** Description**: _"I… I need this..", there was a pause as the owner of the voice struggled to find the right words, " … it's just…. I can't keep it up… I have to find myself… I **need** to know who **I** am, not what people want me to be"_

 [Warnings: The following contains original characters, blood, angst, death, and love and adult themes.] 

 _Rating: _R as of yet. 

 _--- _

 _Was it when they found me, that I lost myself? _

---

_ "Are you sure you want to do this?" _

_ The air was heavy, brisk and cold. The gray-ish mist of early morning that blanketed the forest, outlined the form of three figures standing by the hill. _

_ "I… I need this..", there was a pause as the owner of the voice struggled to find the right words, " … it's just…. I can't keep it up… I have to find myself… I **need** to know who **I** am, not what people want me to be" _

_The first figure stared at the younger girl's stance, head bent, shoulders slumped. _

_"How long?" _

_"As long as it takes," she said wryly "I hope it won't be much"   _

_It was then that the third figure made itself known in the form of a large cat, it strode forward and nuzzled the smaller girl's chin.  _

_Sango smiled softly and took her hand. "Take care Kagome-chan.. …" she paused and didn't say more as the breath caught in her throat. _

_Kagome's eyes shinned, a smile tugged at her lips. "Always" she climbed on the fire-youkai's back and looked back at Sango.     _

_"I'll see you later, Sango-chan ne?" _

_"Yeah…"the taijiya smiled as the two figures disappeared beyond the hills, "see you later, Kagome-chan." _

**  
**

**Chapter 1: The Road To Take. **

  


Dusk fell as Kagome and her neko companion traveled through the skies. The fading light bathed the _Sengoku Jidai_ in orange-gold hues, the air was cool and it carried the scent of life and plants, of earth and water. It had been almost a week now since she left her friends and family with only Kirara as company. 

  
Kirara landed before a clearing bringing her out of her musings, Kagome smiled and slipped off her back moving to prepare a fire while Kirara freshened up near the pond a few feet behind. 

  
Once she had placed enough _offuda_ around the perimeter, she relaxed under the shadow of an oak tree, her eyes half-opened and Kirara in her lap -- like this she mussed the events that had lead her here. 

  
It had been unexpected – **_he_** had appeared, eyes glowing, sneer in place, the purple jewel in his hand. The archangel… he wanted to complete the jewel.   

  
Naraku's offspring were sacrificed, the Inuyasha and the rest seriously injured, so no one could prevent him from grabbing her, taking the shards and merging the jewel…  

  
As she watched his eyes glow with a frightening intensity – the bloodlust, the hunger for power and the smile on his lips – she had seen what he would do if it was completed, the death, despair  …  oh _gods_ the blood!   

  
She did the only thing she could -- bow in hand she picked up the arrow -- _her last… _  

  
… and shattered the _Shinkon no Tama_ -- just like the first time. 

  
 And just like the first time, Inuyasha was furious. 

  
Kagome knew shattering the jewel had been for the best… it was her duty to protect it, to prevent Naraku from possess in it… to prevent the death he _would_ bring if he completed it… because he would… because he could… 

  
 … but Inuyasha didn't understand, … he hadn't _seen_ … 

  
His lust for the jewel… his anger at Naraku… 

  
He said so many things to her -- it hurt. 

_  
A failure … not good enough… _It had hurt … a lot.   
  


But then when she though nothing would hurt any more than this ….   

  
Inuyasha had said it…. he had _actually_ compared her to **_her_** – wished it had been _her_ instead of herself… 

  


 _Kykio … _

  


Always _her_ …****he had said how **_she_** was better than _her_, how **she** wouldn't have done such a foolish act… 

  


And she had snapped… 

  
The constant bickering, the tension, the comparisons of just not him but all of them…  

  
Instead of sitting him, she had just walked away… she had become withdrawn, not eating or sleeping. 

  
And Inuyasha didn't cared… 

  
Finally, unable to take it, Sango had call her on it and she had told her everything… when the _taijiya_ had asked her what was she going to do… she had replied not really thinking… 

_  
"Find myself" _

  
The words just keep turning and turning in her mind; it was what she needed – a time to figure out who she was, what she wanted – where she belonged… after talking to Sango ( the _taijiya_ had been very reluctant) about it… they had come up with a plan.   

  
They would use a sleeping herb and slip it into Miroku, Shippo and Inuyasha's dinner; the herb had a pleasant smell (nor Inuyasha or Shippo would notice) and they would add enough to knock them out for a day and half at the most… enough for her to gather her belongings, and, using the small _Shinkon no kakera_, she had managed to keep, she would go to the well and tell her family of her plans … then… she would begin her trip self-discovery, as well as shard-hunting ( but this she had keep to herself, Sango didn't need to know). It was still her responsibility, she would find the shards… before Naraku did.   

  
It had all worked out, and the next day in early morning and with Kirara for company ( the _taijiya_ had refused to let her go without protection and the small cat-_youkai_ had in unspoken words, demanded that she went) she went back to her time. 

  
Kagome spend the day with family, telling _Souta-chan_ stories of her adventures on the other side of the well and listening to the new video-games moves he had learn from his friends; she listened to _Jii-san's_ shrine's stories for the fist time actually paying attention, she also helped her _Oka_-_san_ around the house and helped her make the meal. 

  
It had been when they had been preparing the meal ( _Oden_, her favorite) that her mother had spoken, she could still picture the conversation in her mind-eye.

_"You're not coming back then, ne?"  _

_Kagome's hand stilled, knife hovering above the carrots she had been chopping "W…what… made you think that?" she couldn't help the way her voice trembled, and winced.  _

_Her mother's back was to her as she faced the stove.  _

_"Actions speak louder than words" her mother replied softly. Kagome looked down, studding the counter.   _

_"I don't know when I'll be back… but I will…"  _

_Her mother did not replied. The sound of cooking vegetables and her mother working around the kitchen were the only sounds in the room.  _

_Kagome's hand tightened around the knife, and she couldn't help but ask what was on her mind,  "Are you… are you upset?"              _

_"I should be…" her mother stated calmly, "… but I am not… "   _

_Kagome looked up but her mother still didn't faced her.  _

_"This is something you have to do… that you need"   _

_Her mother embraced her then, tight and Kagome felt her damp cheeks on her skin--   _

_" …I understand" _

_Kagome closed her eyes and hugged back. "Thank you" a tear ran down her cheek as her mother hugged her tighter. _

  
Kirara purred, and cuddled at her side, Kagome looked down then realized night had fallen, she hadn't realized it was so late already... 

.. with a yawn, her eyes closed, and just before she surrounded to sleep, she wondered what tomorrow would be like?  


  


  


_ ---- _

_Glossary: _

A _hakama_ is the skirt-like pants that some _Ju-jitsu_ practitioners wear. Traditionally, it was worn by the samurai. The standard gi worn in _Karate, Aikido_ and _Judo_ classes as well as in other martial arts was usually the underclothes. 

**A/N** [Originally, the hakama was worn as an outer garment to protect a samurai horseman's legs from brush, weeds, etc. (similar to a cowboys leather chaps). In Japan, since leather was so very hard to come by, heavy cloth was used in its place. After the samurai made the transition from mounted soldiers to foot soldiers, they continued to wear the hakama largely due to the fact that it set them apart and made them easily identifiable.] 

The word **_kimono_** simply means things to wear and is pronounced _kee-mo-no._. Formal japonese clothing normally takes on either of two characteristics; very elaborate designs or a simple elegant designs. The more elegant designs, subdued colors or solid pattern formal japonese clothes would be worn for paying formal visits, funerals or by married women for weddings or formal functions.  

**_Obi:_** the sash that ties the kimono together.    

**_- chan :_**  suffix use for children, though females also use it to denote friendship ( to males or females) or affection.  

 **_Sengoku Jidai_**  -- Feudal Japan.  The time where Inuyasha and the gang – minus Kagome – lives. 

**_ Miko:_**  female priestess.  

 **_Oka-san: _**mother********

**_Taijiya: _**demon hunter, slayer.  

**_Neko: _**cat 

**_Jii-san: _**grandfather. ****

**_Shinkon no Tama:_** Jewel of Four Souls. ^.^  

**_Shinkon no kakera:_** jewel shard.     

**_Iie :_** No.   

**_Sakura: _**cherry blossom  

**_Ne :_** placed at the end of a sentence, literally means something like, eh? or right? 

**__**

**_  
_**

**_H2O:_**_ What do you think? Is it to stupid, lame … what? Oh well… I don't know what the next chapter will be, the ideas are floating around my brain --  ^.^ , I will try to write it as fast as I can, that assuming that you like it! Hehehe … maybe you have noticed that English is not my first language – I'm actually Mexican but I love to write in English… weird? Yeah… That's me!      _

_Ok, here is one problem though… I have thousands of ideas but sometimes I can't develop them as I like so ... could any of you help me??? Please!!  _**__**

_This is actually my first **published** fic – I got tons I haven't finished but I will--- someday really!  … Ahem anyway so yeah if any of you wants to help me.. Feel welcome. _

  
  



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